


the stillness still reminds me of when we first fell in love (and I miss that so much)

by i_own_your_wifi



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Post-Canon, just mary being sad and ava reminding her of shannon, mary/ava brotp, mentions of character death i guess, not really but shannon is dead and they technically talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_own_your_wifi/pseuds/i_own_your_wifi
Summary: Mary looked at her and for a moment, she could see Shannon shining behind Ava’s eyes.Or: Ava keeps reminding Mary of ShannonTitle is from Dear My Closest Friend by Flyleaf
Relationships: Shotgun Mary & Ava Silva, Shotgun Mary/Shannon Masters
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	the stillness still reminds me of when we first fell in love (and I miss that so much)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first Warrior Nun fic so please be nice and let me know what you think! I'm also in the middle of writing an avatrice soulmate au so look out for that in a few weeks

It’s cold at night.

Their escape from the Vatican had been rushed and panicked; their main focus was getting away and making sure they weren’t followed rather than finding a decent place to lay low. When they were far enough away, they were too tired and too paranoid to find a hotel, so instead they settled into a cave in the mountainside, far enough off the main trails that they wouldn’t be seen by any hikers. They were stuck there until they heard word from Mother Superion that it was safe to go to the safe house. And… they were waiting to hear if they even had a safe house to go to.

The temperature dropped once it got dark and while the group could handle the cold, none of them planned on spending the night in a damp, dark cave.

Beatrice and Camila were organizing their supplies, rationing their water and food for at least three days, pulling out medical supplies to use on everyone’s injuries, and ensuring their weapons were ready to go and nearby should they need them. Lilith was working on a fire to provide some warmth during the night, and Ava… Ava was resting, after proving to be more of a hindrance to the fire-making process than she was helping (more like she was getting on Lilith’s nerves a little too much until Lilith finally told her to go sit somewhere away from her). Mary was resting too, but not by her choice. She wanted to help, but Beatrice insisted she focus on resting and healing from the attack.

But it was cold.

Even with the small fire Lilith made, the cold wind still blew in the mouth of the cave and their clothes did nothing to stop the cold from seeping into their bones. Mary’s head shot up from where she was resting it against her knees at a sudden light coming from Ava’s direction. The Halo was glowing slightly and Mary saw Ava relax from where she was curled up to guard herself from the cold, the Halo warming her up.

_Mary was grateful that the priest here had let her and Shannon spend the night in the church. In the morning, a transport would arrive to take them back to Cat’s Cradle, but tonight they needed a place to stay and, while everyone in town had been willing to let the two stay with them, both Mary and Shannon knew they needed time and space to process what had happened._

_The large influx of demons in this small town was sudden and shocking and Mary and Shannon worked tirelessly for days to rid the town of evil. But now, when all was safe, it was time to rest._

_However, rest didn’t come as easily to Mary as it did for Shannon. Mary knew she needed sleep, but no amount of tossing and turning was helping her get there. With a quiet sigh, Mary got up quietly and snuck off into a different area of the church where she sat against one of the walls and closed her eyes. A few minutes later, Mary heard footsteps approaching but she didn’t open her eyes._

_“This can’t be more comfortable than the pews.”_

_“I wasn’t sleeping in the pews anyway so it doesn’t matter.”_

_“Do you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you?”_

_Mary cracked her eyes open to see Shannon looking down at her in concern. Mary looked back for a moment, then shook her head. She didn’t even know herself what was really bothering her. Mary looked away from Shannon as a shiver ran through her._

Damn drafty churches _, Mary thought._

_“Cold?” Shannon asked._

_“A little,” Mary admitted, “I didn’t expect this place to be warm but I expected it to at least keep the wind out.”_

_“Here, let me help.”_

_Shannon dropped down in front of Mary and shifted until she was sitting between Mary’s legs, her back pressed to Mary’s front. Dimly, the Halo started to glow._

_“Better?”_

_Mary nodded, not trusting her voice to speak._

_“The Halo keeps me warm, sometimes I forget that you don’t experience it too.”_

_Mary nodded again, shifting to wrap her arms around Shannon’s waist and rest her head on Shannon’s shoulder. Reservations be damned, Shannon was a space heater._

_Mary woke up in the morning with a stiff neck and Shannon cuddled against her chest. She smiled and pressed her hand against the glow on Shannon’s back._

Mary looked away from Ava as her eyes began to water. She sniffed and wiped her eyes discretely. Or so she thought.

“Are you alright, Mary?” Camila asked, “Are you in pain?”

_Yes._

“I… a little, yeah.”

“Here, take a painkiller and try and get some sleep, okay?” Camila’s eyes were warm beneath her worry and Mary relented, letting Camila press two pills in her hand that she swallowed quickly. She pulled Shannon’s necklace out from under her shirt and held it tightly, not caring about the mark it was leaving on her palm.

* * *

“Mary, can you grab the popcorn please?”

The safe house they were in came with an extensive DVD collection and Ava insisted they have weekly movie nights, claiming she missed out on them in her youth. Mary had got up from the couch to get herself a drink when Camila remembered that no one grabbed the popcorn bag that she bought at the store earlier. If it was anyone else, Mary would’ve rolled her eyes and told them to get off their ass and get it themselves. But it was Camila, sweet, sensitive, sunshiny Camila. So Mary agreed, with only a small eye roll.

“Wait, Mary!” Ava’s hand shot out and grabbed Mary’s hand as she passed. “Can you grab me a soda?”

Mary looked down at Ava’s hand grasping hers and the snarky comment died in her throat.

_Mary sat down on her own for lunch. Not that she minded any of the sisters, she did like them, but she was tired from her training session and didn’t feel like talking. She felt a weight on the bench beside her and rolled her eyes discretely._

_“Rough day?”_

_Mary’s plan to ignore whoever it was failed as Shannon’s voice sounded in her ears._

_“You could say that.”_

_“I’ll cover for you this afternoon if you want to sneak away?”_

_Mary’s head snapped up, surprised that Halo-Bearer Shannon was willing to do anything against their orders._

_“What? You’re the only one who’s allowed to break the rules?”_

_A laugh built in Mary’s chest at Shannon’s words. She shook her head._

_“No offence, but I think you’ll crack the second someone mentions me,” Mary said. Shannon shrugged._

_“Maybe you’re right,” Shannon slipped her hand into Mary’s and squeezed lightly, “I hope you feel better.”_

_With that, Shannon was gone and Mary was left staring at her hand, feeling the phantom pressure of Shannon’s fingers against her own._

“Get your own damn soda,” Mary said, ripping her hand out of Ava’s grip and rushing into the kitchen.

Ava’s protest was drowned out by three calls of “Language!” from the three nuns. Mary rolled her eyes at Ava’s voice, complaining to Beatrice about how “unfair Mary’s being!”

“Catch, loser,” Mary said as she walked back into the room, tossing a soda can at Ava. Ava fumbled as she caught it but still grinned. Mary handed the popcorn to Camila and flopped down in the corner seat of the couch, turning her body away from the others.

* * *

“Oh my god Camila, you would’ve made a great housewife!” Ava said.

“Language!” Lilith reprimanded her, again.

“Seriously, Camila, this food is amazing!” Ava, as always paid no mind to Lilith. Camila blushed a little under the praise, but her smile showed that she was proud of herself too.

“It’s just a simple recipe my mom taught me.”

“Tell your mom I love her,” Ava said through a mouth full of food.

“Chew and swallow girl, damn,” Mary said, grimacing.

“Mary, holy shit, you have to try this,” Ava held out her fork.

_“You have to try this, Mary, I think it’s the best one I’ve made so far.”_

_“Isn’t pride a sin?” Mary teased._

_“I’m not proud, I’m right, there’s a difference,” Shannon moved the spoon closer to Mary’s face, “Now try this. Please.” With an eye roll, Mary did, and she had to admit Shannon was right._

_“Okay, yeah that’s pretty good. You should be proud.”_

_“I thought pride was a sin?” Now it was Shannon’s turn to tease._

_“Don’t even stary with me right now,” Mary said, “Or I’ll just go right back to bed and you can finish your midnight cooking session all on your own.”_

_Shannon grabbed Mary’s wrist before she could walk away and pulled her close, moving her arm so it was around Mary’s waist, Mary’s arm shifting as well, until her hand rested between Shannon’s shoulder blades. They didn’t speak for a moment, both just looking into each other’s eyes. Then, Shannon took a deep breath._

_“Mary, I’ve been… holding myself back,” Shannon’s voice shook, “from you.”_

_“What are you talking about?” Mary asked. Shannon continued as if Mary hadn’t spoken_

_“And it’s because I don’t… I don’t want you getting hurt,” Shannon’s hand tightened on Mary’s hip, “Being the Halo-Bearer, it’s a lot of responsibility and it’s a lot of… It’s dangerous. And I know that and you know that, I know you know that, and if I… if I were to get hurt, I didn’t want to cause you any pain or worry or sadness, because I care about you so much, but I realized that no amount of holding myself back from what we could be, from what we are, rather, is going to stop what you feel for me or what I feel for you. I let my fear control me, Mary, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you and now I fear that I already have with my hesitations.”_

_“You haven’t hurt me,” Mary interrupted, “You could never hurt me.”_

_“I wish I had as much faith in me as you do.”_

_“Shann–”_

_“No, Mary, it’s alright. What I’m trying to say is that I’m done living in fear. I’m done trying to be someone else, done hiding myself, for reasons that I don’t understand anymore,” Shannon took a shaky breath and then smiled, “I want… I want you, Mary, all of you, whatever that means, whatever it is we are, I want it, if you’ll have me.”_

_“Of course I will, there’s not a world where I don’t want you,” Mary said earnestly. Shannon’s smile grew and her hand came to rest on Mary’s cheek, and then, slowly, her lips touched Mary’s for the first time, and Mary finally felt like she found her home._

“I’ll get my own, Ava,” Mary said, “There’s enough for all of us and I don’t want whatever germs you got going on.”

“What?! I don’t have germs! Bea, tell Mary I don’t have germs!”

* * *

“You know I love you guys, right?” Ava said randomly one morning.

_“You know I love you, right?” Shannon said._

_“Yeah, I know,” Mary responded. The ‘I love you too’ was left unsaid. Shannon didn’t need to hear it, she knew._

“Of course we know that Ava!” Camila said, “We love you too!”

“Not that I don’t enjoy your daily affections, “Lilith said dryly, “But why are you telling us this?”

“Well, I just feel that… you protect the ones you love.”

_“You protect the ones you love.”_

Conversation stopped as Mary’s chair scrapped across the floor when Mary pushed herself away from the table aggressively.

“Mary–”

Mary ignored everyone’s calls as she stormed out of the house and into the forest behind the house. Mary kept ignoring them as she walked into the trees and out of sight. It was raining, but Mary hardly noticed and didn’t care either. She walked until she couldn’t see the house anymore, couldn’t hear the group calling for her anymore, couldn’t think about anything but the trees around her. And Shannon. Always Shannon.

“You’re testing me, God, I know you are,” Mary sat, leaning back against a fallen tree, Shannon’s necklace in her hand. “Why Shannon? Why’d you have to go?”

Mary got no answer, not that she expected one. She tilted her face to the sky, barely able to feel the raindrops through the thick canopy above her. She didn’t know how long she sat there until a branch snapped near her. Mary didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“Mary? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Ava.”

“Everyone was really worried when you left,” Ava said, “I’m sorry if I said something to–”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“–upset you. I know I can be annoying and you and Lilith don’t really like me that much and–”

“I said I’m fine, Ava.”

“–I’m just sorry that I upset you and made you storm out and it’s raining and you must be–”

“Do you ever shut up?” Mary finally turned her head to look at Ava. Ava, surprised by the action, stopped talking. “It’s not your fault,” Mary said, “Alright? It has nothing to do with you.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Ava sat down beside Mary, “And it’s usually not true.” Mary sighed.

“It’s not you. It’s Shannon.”

“I’m sorry. I know you must miss her a lot,” Ava said, “I wish I knew her.”

“Sure seems like you did.”

“What?”

“Some of the shit you do,” Mary could almost hear Shannon’s voice reprimanding her for her language, “There’s no way you thought of it all on your own. You think I believe you’re smart enough to come up with “you protect the ones you love” unprompted, all on your own? Shannon said that. She said that to me.”

Ava blinked, mouth open. Mary looked at her and for a moment, she could see Shannon shining behind Ava’s eyes.

“I… I think the Halo, it has a piece of all the Warrior Nuns. Like… sometimes I can feel them, and… you’re right,” Ava said. Mary raised her eyebrows. “I’m not smart enough for some of the shit I do. But it feels like it’s them, guiding me. Whenever I’m scared or I don’t know what to do or I don’t think I can do it, I can feel them telling me that they’re with me and they believe in me. I think… I don’t what came over me today, but something told me I had to say that, like…”

“Like Shannon told you.”

“Yeah! Like she knew that… that you needed to hear it.”

Mary looked back up at the sky, letting the raindrops drip onto her face to hide her tears.

“Alright, let’s head back before Lilith teleports right in front of us,” Mary said. Ava grinned.

“Don’t let her hear you say that.”

“Why? Are you gonna tell her?” Mary said threateningly. Then, she laughed at the scared look on Ava’s face.

As they walked back, Ava didn’t say anything (a first), just let Mary process on her own. Mary looked down at Shannon’s necklace, then over to Ava. Ava, the bane of Mary’s existence most days, but also the strongest piece of Shannon she had left.

“You’re never gonna leave me Shannon, right?”

The wind picked up and Mary could hear Shannon’s voice in her ears, saying: _no, I will never leave you._

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr @i-own-your-wifi


End file.
